The longest relationship you’ll ever have is the one with yourself.
Okay, allow me to be cheesy for a moment and quote Ms. Carrie Bradshaw, “The most exciting, challenging, and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.” Sooooo true, wouldn’t you agree?! For many of us, navigating our relationship with ourselves can be the most complex. As we journey into the latter half of February, the designated month of love, let's take a moment to reflect on how we perceive, treat, and nurture our longest relationship – the one with ourselves!
There’s a wonderful prompt at the beginning of Michael Singer’s book,The Untethered Soul, in which you visualize the voice in your head as a tangible presence sitting beside you on the couch. You imagine them saying the all things you think. This exercise allows you to evaluate whether your self-talk meets the standards you would set for interactions with others. Just because it’s you saying it doesn’t mean it’s right, and it certainly doesn’t mean you have to accept it as fact. By stepping outside of ourselves, we are able to look inward and gain clarity to determine if our self-treatment aligns with our values, and if not, we have the power to change it.
How would expect that personified version of your inner voice to speak to you if they were actually there taking up space on your couch? What level of criticism would you tolerate from them, and when would you draw the line and say, “Enough!”? Since you'll be living with yourself for a long time (hopefully!), why not strive to be your most compassionate, patient, and loving companion?
It all begins with awareness and intention. By slowing down to notice our thoughts, especially during life's challenges, we gain the ability to support ourselves through anything. Instead of berating ourselves, let's offer encouragement like, “You’ve got this” or “Okay, that didn’t go perfectly, but let's learn and do better next time.”
Dr. Kristin Neff, a self-compassion researcher, wisely notes, “With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend.” It's easy to show up for those we love, so let's include ourselves in that circle! Practice this by envisioning your mind personified beside you, training it to treat you kindly whenever it veers into negativity. Remember to do your best and trust that it's always enough.
xo
Love ya!
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